Skinny Panted Ninjas

I recently heard a disturbing report that parts of the student ghetto where in the midst of a crime wave. Witnesses have reported that as crime has increased so has the number of skinny pants ninjas riding around on road bicycles. What are these skinny panted ninjas and what was there relationship with crime. As soon as I arrived in the neighborhood there droppings were everyone Papst Blue Ribbon beer cans and cheap cigarette butts. Soon they appeared riding their bikes and wearing skinny jeans 2 sizes to small. The sexes were almost indistinguishable from each other. Doing there best impression of a heroin chic model who left their jeans in the drier to long. It was clear they were both, too malnourished and unathletic to be ninjas. If they were not ninjas then what were that they? Natives to area referred to them as hipsters, though it is not sure what they called themselves. The name leads me to believe that they were a relation of the hippies, though further investigation would be required. So I ventured to known hippie territories around the Hari Krishna food line, but they were gone. Not a scant piece of hemp fabric in sight, just an ever growing heard of hipsters. Where had all the hippies gone? Had they mutated into the hipsters or had then been pushed out by these new alien invaders? At first they seemed that they must be some kind genetic variation with there similar vegetarian feeding habits and aversion to grooming. But there was something dramatically different about two. It was in their topics of conversation. The hipsters were not talking about how they wanted to save the environment, but instead they talked about how terrible main stream music was and how the sequel to dark knight was already in pre-production. What were these creatures? It is clear that they are not the offspring of hippies who flaunted there lack of money and distain of pop-culture, these hipsters flaunted there love of their iPhones and pop culture. The increase in crime must be related to the increase in the number of hipsters, because who wants to rob a hippie. On the bright side it is safe to say that with their pants being so tight they will never be able to reproduce. And if that don’t kill them the cigarettes and fake glasses will.