The status of your biography

Finding ways to avoid work, means finding new ways to create work for yourself. In my explorations of Facebook I began to believe that you could create a profile and even biographies based solely on status updates. Using that idea as a starting point I began the audacious project to write a dissertation like illustration of the uses and the social/psychological reasoning behind status updates. With phrases like “the peacock feathers of a digital society” and “the comment rush”, this has to be a no lose plan, but the reality is that reading status updates was hopelessly boring. So instead I bore you with the biography of Mr. X. The X is used to protect the guilty and comments were added for my own benefit. Mr. X begins the month of February.

Mr. X is eating his cereal with a fork.

Mr. X is feeling like crud.

Mr. X I will kill you if you try me for my Air Max 95's. [But they are not even worth 50 cents]

Mr. X Onyx was too awesome for their own good. [Not true!]

Mr. X is the first rapper to bring a platinum plaque back to the projects. [Is your name Nas?]

Mr. X is "Following his violent revolution, Gandhi was devoured by his followers.” [There is nothing wrong with taking candy from strangers.]

Mr. X is laisez faire, I don't even give a care, let's make friday part of the weekend and give every new baby chocolate eclair. [What ever did happen to Moxy Fruvous?... Now the Leafs call me up to drive the Zamboni]

Mr. X left my wallet in El Segundo, I gotta get it got got to get it. [Did the tribe ever finish their quest?]

Mr. X rura penthe. [A penal colony in both Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea and StarTrek.]

Mr. X can make it rain, because I been making it snow.

Mr. X is workin.

Mr. X is harnessing the awesome power of biotin [a water-soluble B-complex vitamin] and streptavadin [a tetrameric protein purified from the bacterium Streptomyces avidinii].

Mr. X is staring into a bucket of pure, unadulterated, immutable truth. [And I was just commenting how I think Upright Citizens Brigade sucks]

Mr. X and you will know him by his shroud of pain.

Mr. X is fruity oatey bars make a man out of a mouse. [Firefly will not be coming back]

Mr. X Dwight Howard had me at hello.

Mr. X is napping.

Mr. X is ready for a classic massacre.

Mr. X thumbed a ride to school this morning, made a little lunch money.

Mr. X the game didn't change, it just got more fierce.

Mr. X ready for sleep.

Mr. X RRRRRROAW RRRRRRROAW like a dungeon dragon.

Mr. X where I come from having your hood up meant you were up to something, in Wisconsin it means you value your head.

Mr. X is top down, rims spinning. [More almost classic Rap lyrics?]

Mr. X now returns to a daily dose of comedy central and BET. It is March after all time to start things off on the right foot. So I did not find that dissertation in waiting, though I am sure there is lazy PhD student at a compass directional state university saving status updates and doing anonymous surveys on the meanings of their updates. One day this person will go by Doctor and will be lecturing students on how to read the mind of Facebook user or at least right their biography. They will follow this up with books and lectures causing the backlash of people to hip to part of something so hip…..What does your status say about you?